so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
