Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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