i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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