If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
