I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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