I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
