I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
