i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
