Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
