I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
