I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
