Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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