Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
