As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We talked him into tasing himself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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