so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
