Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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