just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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