So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
