I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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