drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
