and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
