Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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