Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
