i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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