He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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