No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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