and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
