so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
