he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Green mimosas i think yes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
