apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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