when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
