so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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