Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
