I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
