If that was your dad, he is hot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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