I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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