some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
