finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
