Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
