I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
that may or may not have been my penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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