Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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