i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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