I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
