So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
