I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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