Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
