She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
