My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
