You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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