I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
