Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
