i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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